who's the hottest guy in our class?

Friends ask how i'm feeling or how it's been with *enter name here* and every time i tell them that things aren't going well, he's not talking to me, that he must have finally realized how much of a dork i am and just stopped. Just stopped talking to me. I always say it like it's  a joke.. or i try at least. My friends always ask if i'm okay and i tell them... i tell them that i'm fine, that i understand why he did it and i can't change his mind. But the truth is.. i'm not okay. Every time this topic of conversation comes up i'm reminded that i'm not okay. i'm NOT okay. i don't know why i lie, why i don't tell them that on the inside my heart feels like it's cracking and that the cracks are getting bigger and bigger every time my thoughts drift to him. And I feel like a bad friend when i can't even tell them that late at night when i can't get to sleep i get an urge to text him because i know that he will be awake but unlike the old times.. i'm not confident that he will text back or that conversation will flow as freely. But, even though when i'm at school and they bring my thoughts back to this one guy that wont even talk to me which shatters my heart, i can't find the strength to tell them all these things i'm feeling in that one moment when they ask. And it never gets any simpler or easier every time they ask, in all honesty... it hurts more.. every time. But i don't want them to stop.. I just want them to really know how i'm feeling. I just want the strength to tell them that.

this was kinda depressing... i guess.

and i know it was the first post in a while,

sorry,

and i don't know when the next time i'll be posting is.

lots of love,

tinny.

I just can't think of anything to say.

That's me drinking my coke in a wine glass on a Tuesday night with my headphone in my ear and my glasses on. The second one is my horrible hair after I take it out of its ponytail. I look bloody terrible. *dies

TRIGGER THEORY SPLIT UP! kill me now. I love them so much and now they're gone... no more!

*sigh*

Who know how fast this years gonna go?

Hand me a glass let the butterbeer flow.

We're back to learn everything that we can.

It's great to come back to where we began.

And here we are and alakazam! here we go, this is totally awesome.

Back to witches and wizard, and magical beasts

To goblins and ghost and to magical feasts

It's all that I love and it's all that I need at

HOGWARTS, HOGWARTS.

    - Yeah, I go to Hogwarts. The StarKid version of Hogwarts. Got a problem with that?

I love people. Everyone. Because without people we wouldn't feel all these emotions. Love. Hate. Disgust. To be Amazed.

Lots of people like to know why we live. There's lots of theories on that. We live to serve God. We live to die. Everyone likes to live by their own theory. Well, I live by my own.

I think we live, to live. We don't live for God. We don't live to help people. We live to live. We live to make our own choices and to live with the consequences of our actions. No-one but ourselves can make a choice or really know how to make ourselves happy. We live to be happy, sad, angry, distressed, love. We live, for ourselves.

That is all. You may leave my blog now... (:

I'm not doing a random question. If you want me to do one give me a question and I'll write it in my next blog.

                       i'm really nice now.

blue ink, red nail polish and yellow silk.

I wrote two stories for my friend that had to be about gingers and cheese.

They both failed but at least she's happy with them. I now feel like writing a whole lot more because I love writing so much, I would seriously consider it a passion of mine.

I love putting down my ideas, my thoughts and just letting them all out. Sometimes they may not be very good and sometimes they could be great but it's MY idea so really, I'm the only one who can judge whether or not it's good.

I'm wearing black tights with a short black skirt and a green singlet over it, i have a yellow silk shirt over that. I have 9 bracelets on my left hand and 5 on my right. My nails have been painted red. My hair is tied up and my fringe held back with a thin sparkly pink headband. I am wearing no make-up. None at all.

Hold on, my boobies are falling out of my bra *pulls up bra and singlet*

I am listening to James Morrison's song Undiscovered. I was just on tumblr and then I decided to write a blog post. The song has just changed to Alison Lake's song Falling. There is $1.90 beside me. There's also a Crossword puzzle that my dad hasn't finished in front of me. oh, i forgot to mention, 3 of the bracelets on my left wrist are glow in the dark ones from Jay-Jays and 1 bracelet from my right has glow in the dark beads on it. The song has changed to Waiting on the world to Change by John Mayer.

I'm finally back in Christchurch. Came back yesterday on a bus. It was so long! But I would bus a gazillion times before ever feeling safe on a plane. *sigh*

Now playing - Gravity by John Mayer.

I want to watch Glee.

I have nothing to say.

OH.

Random Question
-If you could change something about yourself, what & why?
 *Nothing. I'm perfect the way I am and am loved for who I am. That is my short and simple answer.

the pub, a few drinks and jeez, is that guy cute?!

i haven't blogged in a few days! I'm sorry! I'm now at my mums house, we got here Tuesday. It hasn't been a lot of fun, really. My sister spazzed at me for using/eating her stuff. Her fault, if she doesn't want it to be used or eaten.. stick it in her room. It's okay though, she spazzez at me all the time when we're down. I think she doesn't like me. I dunno.

We went to the pub tonight... we've been here 3 nights and 2 of them were spent at the pub. how lame. I've been calling everything down here in Riverton lame. The weather; lame. The town; lame. The shops; lame. The boys; lame. The girls; lame. THEY DON'T SELL TIC TACS HERE! *tears* I've nearly cried so many times. I have no more tic tacs because they don't sell them. The horror. Upside, this town is little so I can walk right down to the bridge and i know I wont get raped on the way because i could scream and the whole town would make their way over to (hopefully) save me. Downside (again), it's freaking freezing all the time and I think i'm sick.

Here's a pro's and con's list of why being here is okay.

PRO'S
*they let me drink here.
*i can try and get that money my mum owes me.
*part-time job = money.
*my friends from Invercargill.
... i dunno what else.. 
oh, yeah.. i get to see my mum -_-

CON'S
*it's freezing all the time
*it's freezing all the time
*it's freezing all the time
*my mum never spends time with us, even though she's supposed to
*my mum is always at the pub
*my sister spazzez at me all the time
*there are no cute people here, ever, at all
*my mum named her boyfriend 'kill bill' on her cellphone, so everytime he texts and my mum asks me to grab her phone i always have to see that lame nickname.
*my sisters lame boyfriend thinks he's better than me. dude, i doubt it.
*i'm scared for my safety everytime i enter this house; the amount of scary old and weird people that come through here. :/
*there's nothing to do; unless you like walking in the wind and rain.
*we have a desktop computer so i can't get comfy and warm on a couch, i have to sit in a corner by the window (in the dark, at night, my mum wont leave the light on here, grr!) freezing my arse off.
*my fingers are going to fall off.
*i always get sick.
okay, the con's far out-weigh the pro's. damn.

*rubs hands together to get them warm*

it's 11:20pm
DAMN. i missed 11:11. *super tears!*

                                          i have a runny nose. 

Big aftershock, creepy Mark, Alex Gaskarth and Jack Barakat?

WOAH! pretty big aftershock! Will check geonet sometime to see how big it was.

I'm currently at my auntie and uncles, my eyes are fuzzy and i can't see very well, so I'm sorry if this is all spelt wrong (there's no automatic spellcheck on this computer.)
WOAH, another aftershock.
My dad just got out of hosp today, he had surgery on his heart or something early yesterday morning. He looks like he's still in alot of pain and he's walking around weirdly. I wish he'd just sit down and rest.
I'm watching my brother and little eight year old cousin (she's a girl..) play lego batman on the x-box. it's funny listening to them talking about it..  and watching all the lego characters. Evil lego plants.. that's not weird.

I was on msn a few nights ago when my friend told me about this creepy guy named Mark who was trying to chat her up, so we thought it would be a funny idea for me to add him and randomly just staaarted talking to  me. He asked me questions like "How old are you?" , "Do you have a boyfriend?" , "Do you want a boyfriend?" and questions like that. I never said anything to lead him on. I mainly said 'yes' or 'no' answers or corrected his spelling when he writes "pissing" instead or 'piercing', and he claims to be eighteen. Right. He lives in Queensland as well, and is just.. weird and stalkerish. He thinks we're going out and though I said no nearly a zillion times. I shall block him next time I'm on msn.

Do you know All Time Low? If you don't get out of that rock you're living under and search them up on You-Tube or something. They're amazing and I would orgasm just seeing Alex or Jack in person. Oh, do search Alex Gaskarth and Jack Barakat on google images next time you're there, warning though, you might fall in love. They are so cute and super adorable. They're all a insane and band freakish girl needs to live on.. well, that and the amazing music their whole band produces.

I feel like texting a certain someone. But, this person should just text me first instead of making me feel like I annoy (him) this person. *sigh* I feel so lonely right now..

Random Question
*What colour's your toothbrush? (thanks becka!)
 - a multitute of colours, :) and i don't know why i'm happy about this but i know a 'certain someone' who has/had the same toothbrush as me. Is that weird? Probably.

                     you make me orgasm in my mouth.

text messages, lovely pictures and a blue guitar.

I got a text not to long ago from my friend and it said 'I love you', do you know how much that means to me? She's a close friend of mine and I love having a suprise text with such a lovely message. I might go text some people with the same text. We all need a reminder that we love each other.

Lets fuck, till the suns comes up
Till the echo rumbling
It’s hard to remember,
I didn’t forget
Don’t stop till your feelin’ wet I have no shame, your no better
One more time we are together
How do you say goodbye,
How do you say goodbye,
When you’ve hardly said hello?
The only way we know x3
How do you say goodbye, when you’ve hardly said hello?
Lets fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
Lets fuck till our lungs give out,
It wont be long It’s hard to remember, I didn’t forget
Let’s fuck until our hearts give up.
It won’t be long.
A night to remember, a day to forget.
If our lives were diamonds? we’d be rich.
Your voice makes my heart skip beats.
So, keep quiet before it quits on me.
Your voice makes my heart skip? beats.
So, keep quiet before it flat lines.

Before it flat lines. I’ve been terrible at night.
We can only wake up here in this bed.
Sunken into you; tangled in sheets.
Buried in blankets six foot deep, again. Kick it.
Lets fuck, till the suns comes up
Till the echo rumbling
It’s hard to remember,
I didn’t forget
Dont stop till your feelin’ wet I have no shame, your no better
One more time we are together
How do you say goodbye,
How do you say goodbye, when you’ve hardly said hello?
We’re young and in love
Heart attacks waiting to happen
So come on closer, tell me its all in our heads
We’re young and in love
Heart attacks waiting to happen
So come a little closer, tell me those three little words

just a song that i like that makes me smile. i know it's strange but, eh, that's the way i like them! (:

Random Question
*do you sleep with socks on? (thanks sam)
 -yes i do.. well, sometimes. on really cold days i do because i want every part of my body to be warm.
*why are gingers so awesome? (yeah, thanks hayley *eye rolls* )
 -because they're ginger. well, that's the answer hayley wants anyway. but, no. every ginger is different. so awesomeness changes. (:

                              shake that ass like you can.

new music, star watching and the holidays.

It's 8:08pm. I'm listening to The Back of My Head by Short Stack. My brother and my dad are watching Forbidden Kingdom while I write this. I'm on msn. The guy I like is online. Am I speaking to him? No. I am trying to find something to talk about. I'm now listening to Issues by Escape The Fate. I just received an e-mail from formspring. I'll be back to finish this. I just checked my tumblr. It's 8:22pm. I obviously wasn't there long. I'm talking to my best friend.. well, my best friend from australia. I'm drinking a tall glass of raspberry fizz. I have season 1, 2 and 3 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer on dvd right beside me because I plan to watch it when I'm done writing this blog. I just stalked a girls tumblr because i don't like her and i needed to reassure myself that mine was better. Mine is better so I can rest easy. Don't judge me because I did something so petty, whoever's reading this would have done something like that as well.

I just updated my tumblr. It's 8:31pm. This is going quite quick.. I think I'm going to ask around for a random question and see who comes up with the best one. My friend and I reblogged the same picture at the same time.

I'm doing two random questions, like i promised. I think I just freaked out the guy I like, it's okay, Jessie is there to help me and send me virtual hugs...

Random Question
*Do you sing in the shower? (thanks sam)
 -Yes, well. Sometimes. Depends on how I'm feeling or if there's a song stuck in my head.
*Your house is burning down, what's the first thing you grab? (thanks jessie)
 -Cellphone but it would be right beside me, so it would be easy to grab. I would then grab my teddy bear bag that sits right beside the couch in my room and proceed to chuck my books in it. Then, I would grab the laptop wake everyone up as I walk by and run out of the house

                          suck my dick.