sad songs, dreaming of romance and never giving up.

I will always carry you in my heart

You'll always be my shooting star

Autumn days will fade away

But memories will always stay the same

I'm hoping you will never change

Don't ever change

I don't think I'll be blogging for a couple of days after this. It's okay, I think I've blogged enough to last a few more days. You know those cute stories our friends tell us (this is for girls, mainly) about their AMAZING partner? Yeah, i know them as well. When we have those friends who like their best friend (don't you just feel for them, i certainly do. it's horrible) but you know the reasons why they wont tell that certain person how they really feel. They're scared they'll lose that wonderful friend, that wonderful person who made them feel so... brilliant! We may not know it but we all have a friend like that. I know who my friend is and maybe i have more like that person and i feel for this person completely. There is nothing i wouldn't do for this person so that this person could have who this person wants but I'm happy in the knowledge that my friend is content for now to be just best friends.

When i was.. ten? i'm not sure, but there was this camp/get-a-way thing my dad had taken me and my little brother to. This camp place was for some of the workers and their family. Anyway, there were two guys there that i liked and we pretty much just did what three ten year old kids did. We played and we made the camp experience fun. We stayed in a marae, everybody, and one day while i was getting changed to go to bed my brother had gone to talk to both the guys i like. I walk into the marae fully ready to just sleep like any of the other nights but i was shocked when, as soon as i walked into the room, one of the guys came up and told me my brother had told him how i feel (yes, i told my brother). I was not prepared for that and pulled my brother out of the room to give him a good sisterly beating (of course) but then he gave me the best news. The guy i like.. liked me back! How amazing. So, like the embarrassed girl i was, i went back inside the room to confront this guy. He was a player.. even at ten. He asked me out. I said yes. Happy ending.. up until i told him that we couldn't come out in public (yeah, i said that at ten, maybe i was eleven. i was smart, okay?) because my dad would have killed the both of us if he ever found out. Needless to say, the relationship did not work out. Tis but a distant memory. We went to the same school but as soon as we got back from (camp?) we ignored each other. We got pretty close again when i was thirteen, my friends used to joke that we might be going out behind their backs. It's funny because we never officially broke up but we were ten we hadn't even hit puberty by then.

My friend was kicked off her laptop somewhere in australia. So, instead of talking to her I'm blogging. My laptop is running out of battery. Better make this quick.

Random Question (thanks teenar!)
*(harry potter question) What would your boggart turn into?
- I wouldn't really know. It could turn into my friends and family dead. It could be me in a state of insanity, and disgusting nature that I couldn't even be called a person anymore. There are so many things that, depending on how i was feeling that day about myself and my friends, would make the boggart change into anything. I have so many fears, some known, some not.

                   dedicated to jessica, because she got kicked off the laptop and sent to bed.

chats, earthquakes and helping a friend with her paper round.

My brother re-connected the Nintendo 64 and is playing Zelda. I wish I could play it, but I've tried before and basically gave it back to my brother after nearly five minutes. I don't mean to fail so bad, blame it on my gender.

We have people over and my anti-social self is blogging. It's okay though, they don't seem to mind. Well, they aren't paying me attention in any case. I'm watching food t.v as well, with no sound. The food looks good and chocolate-y though. Yum. Ooooh, ice cream, good.

The visitors have left and my brother is going to put Date Night on now. God, we're so cool. I watched this with two of my friends and my brother at the movies in Invercargill. There was a girl behind me kicking my seat so I just kinda laid my head on my friend's (he was a guy, don't judge me) shoulder so that I didn't have to lean forward or still feel the kicking. He was warm, made the movie funnier, I could feel him laughing. There was a sexy robot dance, I wish I'd learnt it but I have the movie here now so I'm going to memorize it.... except I have no partner to do it with.

Anyway, I'm eating chips and dip and talking to my best aussie friend about her great body. She said she'd make me a bed when I go to aus.  I like her bum.

Random Question
*How would you describe yourself?
 - I would say that I'm passionate. I can get very obsessive about things but now-a-days I'm more laid back. I'm a reader. I love with all my heart and hold a grudge for a long time. Actually, that's not really true. I don't forgive easily, I just don't. I trust my brother with anything. I'm being serious. I call him a dick and say that I don't like him but I know that I can trust him with anything and everything. There's nothing much more to me. I'm pretty lame and I love my friends and family.

                               zip your vagina.

sarcasm, idiots, friendship. is this really what we're living for?

Hello, didn't see you there.

I have a cup of fizzy beside me, my cellphone, my candle, the remote for the heat pump and a plate. These are the amazing things I have beside me every time I'm on the laptop. It's just routine. I don't like getting out of my routine and I know most of these things I will use.

I have a flower and ribbon in my hair. Don't judge me. I feel pretty. I play guitar... badly.  I like my brother's gameboy. He has a DS as well, but a gameboy feels much more prodigious. I can't play game console games. I fail so bad, but I still try and I like playing pokemon, they have cute little creatures. I like learning new words, big words usually. If I think you're an idiot, I will tell you.. usually. Sometimes I'm too lazy to do that.

I want to write a story, maybe a story like David Eddings. I like his books, you know; "You see how easily the young are corrupted? Just give them the faintest hint of a wholesome upbringing and they're lost forever." - Silk Kheldar. Silk is a character in a David Eddings story. Silk is pretty much a spy/thief/hero of the story, he's not the main character though but that's okay, Garion is cool too, I guess. Silk is sarcastic. He makes me smile when I read the books. It's a book full of religion, heroism, old language and strategy. I love the old gentleman language that is used to insult; "My lord, I find thy face apelike and your form misshapen. Thy beard, moreover, is an offense against decency, resembling more closely the scabrous fur which doth decorate the hinder portion of a mongrel dog than a proper adornment for a human face. Is it possible that thy mother, seized by some wild lechery, did dally at some time past with a randy goat?" - Mandorallen. I love that, it's so well spoken. I wish we could speak like that now. I loved those books and now that I've finished them I'm going to start another.

I didn't feel any aftershocks today. That's good. I hung out with my friends and we had an ice cream. I like ice cream, I like ice blocks as well. My day was amazing, who cares though.

Random Question
*Tell me about something you would happily do again and why?
 -I would happily tell the guy I like that I like him. It's not all that "I know now how easy it is to lose people so I'm going to seize the moment" kind of thing. Why shouldn't he know? And I'm still not sure of myself, remember. If it turns out I don't like him, then I'll tell him. I don't see the point in worrying about it too much now that it's been done. I've done it once and sure, I had this spaz after he found out but I'm happy about it now. So, why can't I be happy to tell him again? I'll never regret doing that. Regretting something that's already been done and can't be changed is a waste of your mind.

                            A dictionary is a book that helps you understand words you don't know.

aftershocks and early morning facebooking.

We had two major aftershocks that were 5.4 on the richter scale. First time I had been scared about all this earthquake-y stuff.

At my old school when I was 10 maybe, we had an earthquake hit. It wasn't as bad and I don't remember much of it but I remember being told to hide under the table. I never really understood that. If the roof is going to collapse and fall on my table it'll probably make the table fall in and crush me as well. Either way, OUCH!

You know those fire drills you do at school? Knowing that it was a fire drill made me walk a little slower to get to the field. Oh, and there was no way that if it was a real fire that I would leave my bag still in the building. I would hate myself later if I found out that something in my bag had been burnt. There was this girl in my class who used to cry at every drill. It would annoy the hell out of me but I still gave her a hug and reminded her that there is no fire and that we're just practicing for when there is one.

Anyway, completely terrified about the aftershocks, I haven't slept a lot. I've had three to maybe four hours sleep and am now babbling my way though this. I have this weird tasting raspberry flavoured fizzy beside me. I want chocolate. Will you get me some please?

I hate trying to read something spelt wrong, or in text language. It just puts me off. If you're reading this and you do one of either of them I'm sorry but it's the truth. Peanut Butter, I hate it. It's all gross! Crushed up peanuts and eew. I don't like jelly either. It's all jiggly.

My dad wont let me watch Juno. It's making me sad. I love this movie and I am not allowed to watch it! It's insanity. We're watching Serenity though, I like this movie. It has an odd sense of humour and has a chick kickin' ass. That's badass.

Random Question
*What have you been thinking about lately?
 - I've been thinking of relationships. Why we enter in them and why we get hurt so much when we leave them. It's different for everybody. But, at some time after a relationship has broken there's either hurt, sadness, or anger at someone. We always have some kind of negative feeling about it because of something that was said, or the bad moments that were shared. Why can't we celebrate it? Celebrate being in the relationship, ending it, and the start of a new relationship to come. Celebrate the things that we shared, said, and laughed about, instead of mourning over it. What's there to be sad about? We had our try at finding the one person who could possibly live with us and care for us in sickness and in health (see what I did there?) and that didn't work out so now we have to go back and find that person. We're playing a game, and all the twists and turns are the relationships that haven't worked out. In the end, if you're good at the game, you win and find that person.

                                          this is one doodle that can't be undid homeskillett.

gingers and cooked fruit. it's against nature.

I've had a really long conversation with a friend on cooked fruit. She likes it and I don't. But, she's ginger. I love her hair, it's beautiful. But cooked fruit is so unnatural.

I remember as a little kid that my mum would make us kids ribena. I loved it. But, when I once watched her make the stuff with fresh blackberries, I swear I was going to hurl. It's okay though, it takes good.

I don't like a lot of things. Seafood, uneven numbers, swimming, brown, making simple things complicated. So many more things as well. I never understood why I don't like seafood, everyone in my family does. Crayfish scare me.

I like counting my steps. I count up to four and then start again and when I get close to where I'm walking and my steps aren't going to four, I make my steps smaller. When I sit down, I shake. Some part of my body has to be moving when I sit down, usually it's my legs, or I sway from side to side. It irritates some people but I have some weird problem. Get over it. I'm sarcastic, about everything. I can't help it but turn everything into a joke. Oh, and I have a rude mind. Oh, it's just great.

I remember talking to an old friend of mine and it was about something so un-sexual that it would make even a horny teenage boy.. not so horny, but i managed to change it to something rude. It just came to my head. I wasn't going to say it but what can I say? Word vomit sucks.

Random Question
*What was the last thing you ate?
-Honey on toast.
*Why?
-because I love it and it makes me feel great.

                           do you like my sexy hair?

are we in love or is it just made up in our minds?

I'm sure we've all got friends who likes someone or maybe even two people. I'm sure we've all liked someone as well. At least, we've thought we like someone.

When I was five I got into trouble because this guy in my class and I were under the table with cushions around it so nobody could see in and we couldn't see out. This was during interval. The kids in our class went and told teachers we were under the table kissing. See, we got in trouble for doing something we weren't. We were actually under the table writing. He had given me this writing book, kinda thing, where you write over the letters so that you learn to.. you know.. write the letters of the alphabet properly. In some kind of sense we probably did like each other and our kind of romance was writing the alphabet. We were so young and the idea of liking someone was just odd. All we had were friends. I like that.

It's gotten so much more difficult now. I haven't liked someone my whole life, up until this year. It sucks because it just came at me full force. I think I like two people now. See, I think. I'm not sure if it's actually 'liking'. I could just be over-thinking myself. I know that I get this huge thumping in my heart when I see or talk to them both. Maybe it's just some kind of heart burn or something at the wrong time. I know that my mouth itches to smile when they're near or we're talking. Maybe I'm thinking of something really funny. All these things I'm feeling makes me feel more unsure of myself.

People have so many ideas of why they like or love someone. But, how do we know what we're feeling is true? I know that I love my friends, I know that I love my family. But when it comes to the two guys that I might or might not like? I'm absolutely clueless!

Random Question
*What is faith?
 - Faith? Probably the hardest thing in the world for me to answer. Faith is something that helps us go on, just like hope. I have faith in my friends. What I mean by that is I have faith that my friends will be exactly that, my friends. I have faith that they wont do anything to hurt me. I also hope that they wont do that. Faith is believing in something that you don't know can be true. That's my idea.

                           i like tacos.

tell me if i'm going too fast for you, and i'll go faster.

I've started to write a lot. Is that normal? Who cares. I wasn't normal in the beginning. I write stories as well, but I don't want to write just that. So, I remade my blogger because a friend of mine has one as well and I figured this was a great idea.

It's really warm. I went out for a bit today. Saw this guy. Kinda awkward but who cares. I still got to see him.

When I was eight I played pokemon with my friends. We had all these pokemon cards, we'd play paper, scissors, rock and whoever won got the card we were playing with. I failed at paper, scissors, rock but i had really strong cards. They were the basic ones, you know, Charizard, Pikachu(my favourite then and still is now) , and just the pokemon that I grew up with. The new telly program is okay but I still prefer the one I grew up with. Anyway, I lost just about all my good cards and then learnt pretty quickly that I should stop because I fail so bad. When I was eight everything was awesome.

random question (stole this)
*What do you believe in?
 - Took me awhile to finally figure it out and get my head straight but now I know. I believe in love because when all else fails everything we do and don't do is from an idea on what or who we love. I love the colour green and I have since I watched Harry Potter because I love the Harry Potter series and because of the Harry Potter series it gave me something to talk about to this girl I'd met, who is now one of my closest friends. So, my love for something so small gave me someone so amazing. I believe in moments. The smallest moment can affect your life. I have this friend who wears a ribbon around her wrist and everyday at school I'd go through the routine of re-tying it to her wrist. I was gone from school for a whole week and realized how much I miss doing such a small thing. It's not because I like tying things but because it was something that was just between us and she's one of my closest friends. The little things are something that make me who I am and those things are what helped me to get to where I am today. So, in the shortest answer possible. I believe in love and moments.

Ponder this.
 - - - -Why is a raven like a writing desk?